


Frippery

by fireflysglow_archivist



Category: Firefly
Genre: Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-02-19
Updated: 2003-02-19
Packaged: 2019-04-29 06:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14466825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireflysglow_archivist/pseuds/fireflysglow_archivist
Summary: Missing scene from Shindig--the dress-buying expedition.





	Frippery

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Firefly’s Glow](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Firefly%27s_Glow), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Firefly's Glow collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/fireflysglow/profile).

 

Frippery

## Frippery

### by Cabiria

This can't be good, Badger grumbled to himself. He shifted uncomfortably and took a long drag from his hand-rolled cigarette, trying to look more like the crime lord he was and less like a man loitering uncomfortably outside a dress shop in broad daylight. He usually sent Serge to pick up his special orders, but Badger still worried that the proprietor would recognize him solely from his measurements. He doubted that there were many nearly six-foot ladies with manly shoulders and flat chests on Persephone. The dozen or so very wealthy genetic engineers on the planet saw to that. 

Why did those exasperating men have to make a beeline for this shop, of all places? 

He leaned on one shoulder against the plate glass window, deliberately ignoring the slinky dress that brushed against the other side of the glass. Badger knew that the emerald green silk would bring out his eyes, make them gleam silver instead of their usual nondescript gray, and the halter top would make his shoulders appear slim and delicate. Given his gang's profit margin lately, it was better not to look. 

Mal stuck his head out of the front door and gestured for Badger to follow him inside. Badger shook his head and grimaced in annoyance. "Wha' ya want?" 

Mal smiled winningly. "Say, now, Badger. Maybe you could give us a hand." 

This couldn't be good. Badger gulped, only partly dreading whatever lending a hand might entail. Mostly he was trying to swallow away the traitorous warmth that spread through his stomach at that smile. "If i' 'll get 'is over sooner," he rallied, glaring at Serenity's captain. "I got fings to do, y'know." 

Mal only broadened his smile and enthusiastically waved him over to the door, clapping him on the shoulder as he held open the door. Badger took a last drag and flicked the stub into the street before ducking into the dark shop. 

He blinked away afterimages of the sunny sky, but an arm like a tree trunk fell companionably over his shoulder before his eyes had a chance to adjust to the dim interior. 

"Badger!" his companion exclaimed. Badger groaned internally. So Jayne was to be the ringleader. He shrugged off the arm, but it settled back against his neck immediately. 

"Oi now! Hands off th' merchandoise, go-rilla!" 

Jayne chuckled. "Hey now, aren't we all friends here?" 

Mal stood at Badger's other side. "My associate and I have a slight problem here. You know we need some frippery for my escort to wear, make us both look respectable. Trouble is getting it." 

Badger shrugged, attempting again to rid himself of Jayne's heavy arm. It stayed put. "Why are we buyin' somfin anyway? Why don't you go wiv 'at whore a yours, Eye-nara? She's got plenty o' frocks, I wager." 

Mal's jaw tightened. "Inara's busy with a client." 

Jayne let his arm fall forward, hooking it around Badger's neck. He squeezed a bit. "So, you see, we're here for something for Kaylee." 

Badger shook his head to get some breathing room. "Ah, Oi see, Oi see. So y'need to pick one out, eh? Have y'seen the green silk in the winda? Bet she'd look a picture in 'at one, eh?" 

Little wheels turned quickly in his head, already plotting how to gank the dress back after the party. No sense in wasting money once it was already spent, after all. 

"No, we've got one already." Mal pointed to a rack of dresses that seemed to merge into one giant blushing amoeba. Badger shuddered. 

"Y'sure o' tha' one?" 

"Very sure." 

Blast. That was money down the drain, it was. No way Badger'd be caught dead flouncing around in that one. Serge would laugh himself to pieces. 

"Foine. Get i' and let's get out o' here." 

Jayne shook his head. Badger quailed a bit at the expression on his face, an exaggerated grimace of regret. That look boded, it did. 

"Well, therein lies the problem. Y'see, neither of us have any way of knowin' what size to get for the lady." He paused to grin at Mal. "We don't buy clothing fer fancy ladies that often." 

Mal chuckled in response. 

Did they know? No. No. There was no way they could know. It must be some sort of crew joke. Must be. Badger breathed in carefully, willing his heart to slow. 

"But you, Badger..." 

Jayne paused again. A drop of sweat rolled down Badger's forehead. 

"We reckon you're right about Kaylee's size," Mal finished. 

"No! Girl's the soize a my li'le finger! Oi've got 'alf a 'ead on 'er, a' least!" Badger protested, struggling. Jayne grinned and propelled him toward the back of the store. 

"So we'll get one that ends under your knees," Mal stated firmly, grabbing one of the pink nightmares as they passed the rack. "You're just about broad enough, and that's all we need to know." 

The proprietor watched them curiously, her gaze traveling from the men to the dresses and back. Suddenly, she gasped and pointed at Badger. "You!" 

He sneered over his shoulder, "Oh, sod off, y'cow!" 

Jayne shoved him into the one dressing stall. Badger glared back at them. "No. No' a chance. Try i' on y'selves." 

Both men just grinned at him. "Now Badger," Mal began, "Do you want us to be able to do the job or not? There's others be happy to have our services, you know." 

Badger looked around him. "Oi! There's no door!" 

"We'll keep an eye out," Jayne assured him, his eyes twinkling. 

Badger gave in. "Turn yer damn backs, then." 

They did, snickering to each other like schoolboys. 

"Hwoon dahn ta ma da!" Badger hissed under his breath and quickly shucked his clothes. His boots thudded loudly as he kicked them into the corner, and he looked over the two men's shoulders to see if he'd attracted any attention. 

He had. Two salesgirls stood with the proprietor near the register, pointing and giggling behind their hands. 

"Wo de pigu!" he cursed again, stepping into the dress and roughly yanking it up past his waist. He'd have to find a new shop, now. And he'd been so fond of their embroidery! They had the trick of adding it to the edges so it looked opulent without being ostentatious. 

"Oi! This 'un fits. We' done." Badger quickly began to pull the sleeves back down his arms. Mal turned and held the dress to his shoulders with both hands. 

"Wait now, how do you know? You didn't even do it up proper!" 

Jayne looked back over his shoulder. "Now ain't that a picture." 

"Turn! Y'back!" Badger growled, and Jayne moved to block the ladies' view, sniggering. 

Mal pushed the dress back up onto his shoulders. Badger shivered at the feel of warm hands, only a bit of thin cloth away from his skin. 

"Do it up so I can see how well it hangs." 

Badger put his hands back to fasten it, but dropped them just in time. "There's hooks! Oi can't do 'em up meself!" 

Of course he could. But that would be a dead giveaway. He brushed the beads of sweat from his brow. 

"This fing's hot!" he complained to Mal, at the other man's questioning look. 

Mal shrugged and turned Badger around so he could reach the hooks. Badger found himself staring at his own reflection and blanched. Wo de tien ah, he thought in horror. His hips were huge, bathed in all those ruffles! And the sappy pink of the thing made his complexion, pale as it suddenly was, blotchy as a checker board. Was that a pimple starting, right there on his chin? He leaned a bit closer to the mirror, aghast. 

"Stop breathing so damn much!" Mal tugged viciously at both sides of the dress. "I'll never get this done up!" 

Badger tried to squirm away, but Mal held him firmly. 

"Don't get all excitable," he reprimanded, and let go of the dress with an impatient sigh. Badger sent up a brief prayer that the ordeal was done. His skin felt like it was turned inside out, and it was all he could do not to squirm right out of the scratchy dress. 

Instead of abandoning the project, Mal suddenly plunged his hands inside the dress. Badger jumped a foot and gasped. Hands! Hands in new places! he thought. 

"Is there something bunched under here?" Mal asked, solicitously. "I just don't know what else it could be." 

Rough hands roamed, somewhat impersonally, across his over sensitized skin. Badger bit back a moan and shivered. He pulled away. At least, he thought he did. Actually, he seemed to be leaning back against Mal, molding his back into the other man's chest. He gaped at his own reflection, watching the shocked man quiver and the hands of the other moving under a sea of ruffles, his expression revealing nothing but concentration on a vexing job. Mal dropped his head, ducking so he could reach Badger's stomach, so all Badger could see was a crown of soft hair resting against his neck. 

Jayne looked curiously over his shoulder. His eyes met Badger's in the mirror. Badger looked at him pleadingly--whether for Jayne to put an end to it or join in, he couldn't have told. Jayne ignored both, raising his eyebrows and saying only, "Huh!" before turning back toward the store. 

"Well, now, I'm just not sure what the problem is here! Nothing here to bunch, nothing that I can tell, anyway," Mal announced cheerfully. He slid his hands lower, suddenly tantalizing. He flexed his fingers, slowly settling them into the hollows of Badger's bare hips. 

Badger whimpered, closing his eyes. He felt movement by his face and opened them again to see Mal smiling wickedly at him in the mirror. "Laundry day, Badger?" he asked in a sultry whisper. 

"Wha'?" Badger gasped. Mal chuckled and ran his tongue along the underside of Badger's jaw. Badger gulped and then staggered as Mal stepped back. He reached back for the other man, but far too slowly. 

With one quick movement, Mal hooked all twelve clasps at once. Badger gasped against the sudden constriction and reached behind his back. The line of hooks was lost in ruffles, however, and his fingers slid across them fruitlessly. 

Mal and Jayne had stepped back and were regarding him appraisingly. "Oi you two! Undo me!" he puffed. "This 'uns too toight!" 

"You're right," Mal nodded. 

"And that color doesn't suit you," Jayne added. 

"I'd go with the silk in the window, if I were you. Well, we ready?" 

At Jayne's nod, the two turned, grinning manically, and walked out of the store, grabbing a wrapped package from the front counter. One of the salesgirls called half-heartedly after them, "Come again!" 

Badger covered his face with his hands, noting in the mirror that, among its many faults, the dress did nothing to hide a rock-hard erection that wasn't going away any time soon. 

A quiet "Ahem!" that dripped with anticipation made his drop his hands. Steeling himself, Badger opened his eyes to see all three women in front of him, smiling avidly. 

"So, will we be charging that to the usual account, 'Mr. McCarthy'?" inquired the proprietor. 

He nodded wearily. 

"And will that be all?" 

Badger began to nod again, then decided he'd earned a little indulgence. 

"One a you ladies get me out o' this noightmare, and let's have a go at the silk." 

#### If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Cabiria


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